Duality of Personality

It often confuses me about which state I am in sometimes. I have my beliefs and ideas of right and wrong and I like to think they shape me. But sometimes I dont do what I believe. I know what is expected of me. I know how I should behave. Yet, I dont do that. Observing this behavior makes me a bit uncomfortable. But then again, maybe there aren't any right or wrong thing to do. There are just actions.

We waste so much time thinking of right and wrong that we miss out the whole point of it. We miss the opportunity to act. We miss the whole experience of action. I think we should do what feels right to us. Something that gives us happiness. And, if we act on our positive emotions, chances are things wont go wrong and we'll end up being a happier person.

Reality and Pain

I've asked a lot of people about their views of reality. I asked them to define reality and surprisingly most of them answered by saying "reality is pain and suffering". It intrigues me that in pain and suffering we find the meaning of our existence. None of people whom I asked this questione has mentioned that the meaning of reality or to experience it is to be happy.

So, does this means we are trapped in our pain that we cannot see the other side of things? That we can experience the reality in context of happiness? I think that is what the enlightened ones have realized. They achieved a way to gain true happiness and found out a way to sustain that. To me that is the meaning of nirvana. To return to the source is to find inner bliss.

Light and Darkness

Something strange is happening to me these days. Its like a fight going on inside of me. I like to think I'm rather a good person, but I can sense the darkness thats inside of me. I dont like it but I cant seem to be winning the fight either. Its a constant tug-of-war raging inside of me. I dont know why if something that I consciously dont like is in my psyche. How does one deals with it? Maybe if I try not to think about it then it might go away. After all there are no good or evil, there are just action. Some actions are beneficial for someone and vice-versa. Good or bad is defined by the people who faces the aftermath of the action.

Anyways life goes on. But I do feel like something around me is not going right. It might cause grief or pain to people who are close to me if I end up right. Worst thing is its not expected of one to talk about these things, so I wont.

As I command?

It was the summer of 2010. I left home to spend a year away from everything. Sort of soul searching in solitude. It was awesome. I figured out huge lot about my life and belief in that time. I felt a sense of calm and peace that I never felt before as if I was finally one with the universe.

So there I was at my penthouse apartment cooking lunch for myself. Suddenly the sky turned dark. A huge storm started to rage. There were heavy rain, hail and very strong wind. I'll be honest, I was a bit scared. So I stood behind a window, looking at the storm and commanded it to stop. Instantly after that I felt the worst shame ever. How can I command a force of nature? Who gave me that right? I felt sorry for myself. I learned to be more humble toward the nature from that day on.

Speak Up!

As we grow older, things tend to get more complicated. As kids we were very straightforward about our feeling and expressed them in a very direct fashion. If we liked something, we wouldn’t hesitate to appreciate it, if we hated something, we would just say it on their face. As we grown up it becomes really difficult to speak our mind. We continuously think about how the other person will take it or how our expression will effect our surrounding. Doing this a lot of things never really get expressed. Slow poisoning us to become bitter persons.
My point is you can never make everybody happy around you. But you can try to be happy yourself. At least that way you are less likely to make people around you feel bad. I think we should always try to express our feelings, no matter if they are negative or positive. Some might not like you, but others will respect you. In the end that is all that matters.

Dangerous Knowledge

Knowledge is a gift to humanity to itself. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s the source of our culture, wisdom and identity. It gives us great inspiration, gives us meaning to our curiosity. Above all, it improves the quality of our lives. But we should be cautious cause some knowledge are to be questioned before one lets it in.

Throughout the time human occupied this planet, we have gained knowledge from experience or it has been passed on to us by our older generation. These knowledge were gained for our own good and survival. Although in the last few hundred years a radical change took place. Merely surviving and being content was no more fashionable. People wanted more. By the introduction of money and banks, suddenly the world seems to have changed. Its quite embarrassing as a human to admit that me, you and most of the people of this time is part of that madness. Greed, fear and unhappiness is becoming more of a way of life rather then an upsetting human condition.

So, where does this dangerous knowledge plays its part you ask? Well, it fuels our foul emotions. We live in a time where everything is a product. Every occupation is a part of an industry and every person is in debt to a higher authority. All those glorious war for freedom were just a tool to make us slave of a system that we created for ourselves. Of course the monitory system is the most enslaving system of all. It’s the system that makes us its slave without letting us having a slightest clue. Its the work of pure evil genius, and only a twisted human mind can come up with such a thing.

In a world where money rules as the primary power, people wants to have as much of it as possible. Thus it becomes important to manipulate other people to earn more money. These days, its one of the most important elements of business. Putting a curtain of dreams in front of the mass public to sell a particular product for more money is the ultimate goal for successful businesses. It is almost disgusting to imagine that this ability of manipulation is promoted even in the academic institutions. Books are written that explains how the human mind can be manipulated to fulfill a moneymaker’s dream. While moral obligations to society and environment is thrown away to accommodate more profit making tricks young minds are getting sucked into this dark world where they think they are learning the ways of becoming successful. In reality they are learning how to take power and rights from others to become more powerful. Can you imagine that people are being taught around the world to trick us and manipulate us with greed and fear so they can earn more money for themselves? This is the reason that we have more things in our homes that we don’t use or need. I believe we humans are primarily good at heart. We tend to trust others very easily. But these power hungry, greedy people are using this softer side of us for their advantage. I’m not against promoting a good and beneficial product. But it’s the bad products or the over charged products that are forced to us by using fancy looking propaganda I’m really against. I’m against the people who use knowledge to fool others. This is the evil knowledge that has brought the world to the brink of hopelessness and grief. We cannot be happy only because we cannot be content. The most ironic part is even after knowing all this; there is little we can do. We can only hope that someday our aspiration to create, share good knowledge and resource will overtake our greed and fear so we can live a happy and fulfilling life. Right now we can only be optimistic that we will someday be able to change our ways of life and make the current situation a distant memory.

Trust

A word that possess so much importance in our life. In every step we take we have to trust someone or another. Trust them for not poisoning your food, not rob you when you sleep, to not betray you, never harm you in any ways. Strange as it sounds trust has nothing to do with the person you are trusting on, its rather your own faith on yourself. It is this confidence in us that lets us trust another human being, an animal or maybe the universe. It has power to uplift us, empower us, frustrate us, and make us afraid. “You can never trust anyone but yourself” – some says. But no matter what people say, you always have to trust someone, even if you don’t want you.

We learn about trust from the moment of our birth. Regular feeding and caring from our mothers have taught us that this woman means us no harm. She wouldn’t let any harm fall upon us ether. As time goes by this is the person we come to trust the most. But as we grow older, life changes. We meet other people doing different things to us. We make friends, enemies, find teacher and take apprentices. All these new people act differently with us. We trust different people for different things. We keep the people close who we trust the most.

In our pursuit for happiness trust plays a grand role. If you are surrounded by people you can trust, you will feel lot better. You will feel safe and meaningful. You will feel more compelled to do good for the people you trust and by doing that you gain trust in return. It becomes a beautiful circle. Although slightest bump in that circle can distort the whole picture.

So how does one really trust another being? I believe that if you know how to trust a devil, he will always deliver you, if you don’t know how to trust an angel, he will always betray you. Which means, it really matters on you. If you have enough faith in yourself that this person you are trusting is a friend, then most of the time you’ll be right. But doubt can change all that. If you doubt yourself or your confidence to trust, you can receive betrayal from the most angelic of all the people. It’s the way this thing works. The reality that surrounds us is shaped by our own thoughts. It’s like a mirror that reflects our own doings. You decide what you see in that reflection.

So, love others, as unconditionally as possible. Be humble and show gratitude. Be generous and kind. You will gain all the trust you need. In return you will gain the confidence to trust in others.

Battle of Love and Freedom

I have a fairly dynamic life. Conditions changing every now and then. The beginning was of course out of my control, but since I took the steering wheel of my life I didn't just get stuck somewhere and started living happily ever after. I have a weird definition about happiness. That I'll talk about in the future maybe. But yeah, what always drove me was freedom. Freedom to chose a lifestyle, freedom to chose culture and tradition, freedom of thought, freedom of expression and of course freedom of action.

You see freedom is a really abstract word. What does it mean? Its funny, we hear about freedom all day whenever we open a news paper or turn on the TV. It became a very popular word. In the process the meaning of it got lost. These days freedom seems like a choice between "What they want you to do" and "What you want to do". I say its just a word to fuck with our head.

But no, it gotta have some meaning. I get tingling feeling that anything is possible when I hear this word. So you ask what I think about freedom? Well its pretty simple, its the action that gives you positive feelings. Gives you happiness. Something that balances your bad karma. Makes you breath a full lung and smile. That's my version of freedom.

"Oh I thought being able to do anything is freedom" you say. So is stabbing a person for money makes it an act of freedom? Or maybe killing innocent people cause someone needed to acquire a "certain" personal agenda? Just think how one would feel and what kind of regret will haunt him forever. Don't tell me some people don't feel anything. They do feel guilt, they'll always do. They are just fucking egoistic to admit it. Otherwise alcohol wouldn't be such a popular drink.

Anyways, so its safe to say that negative acts are not included in the acts of freedom. I do believe in sacrifice, but that sacrifice needs to be personal. That can not be in cost of someone else or something else. You have to sacrifice your own conditions to achieve your own freedom. If you want something, you have to go ahead and grab it. It will never come to you.

If something is worth fighting for then bring me a battle. If there is something worth dyeing for then bring me a war. But there is always a question of right and wrong. This is the toughest part. I'll go ahead and say that freedom is not for everyone. Not everyone is capable of deciding whats right and wrong. But if you think you know, then go ahead and stand up for your cause. After all what is a life without true purpose?

So, my point is that freedom is very important, and to get it, we do all sort of things. But in my case its always a tug of war between love and freedom. You cant really get both. There could be a nice balance but if you have more of one you always have less of the other. For example you want to go out to see the world and live a life of adventure, but you have a loving family who cares about you. You love your family but want to be free and see the world too. For some this only remains a dream. For others they live that life. When I say love I'm actually talking about attachment in general. Attachment to your loved one, to a job, to a place, to a country. The bigger the attachment the harder to break free. Don't get me wrong I'm not telling you attachment is a bad thing. It sometimes gives us reason to live so to speak. But some attachments come between our bigger purpose, our bigger wishes. Then that becomes the moment of truth. Its important to know what we want, cause in the end its our happiness that matters the most.

Somewhere I can shout out

So I'm not really into posting what pops in my head. But there is times where I really want to shout out my thoughts. I mean not like a "Status update" on that networking site. Maybe something more serious or really stilly but equally thoughtful. So decided to open up this new blog where I'll be writing about my way of thinking, ideas, philosophy, life and whatever that I find worth sharing. I dont know if anyone would read this, but that not the point right? I heard a person changes everything about himself every 7 years. So 7 years ago I was a completely different person. It would be fun (literally) to look back at the writings here after 7 years.