Death and Rebirth

It was December 31st 2011. I decided to spend the new year's eve with my family. Its very rare for me to participate in family events but this one was long overdue. So, we planned to through a BBQ party at my aunts place to celebrate the new year. All my close family were there, including some of my very close friends.

As the story goes, to have a BBQ party, we had to have coal. And it just happend that the coal was pretty damped and wasn't catching fire. I took the responsibility to light it up but I got pretty disappointed at myself. Then everyone came to help light the fire, which included the youngest members of our family. I have a 5 year old sister and 2 cousin of 7 and 9. Needless to say they are very mature kids. They got really interested at lighting the fire so from a safe distance they were let to fan the fire for a bit. Of course my uncle and aunt were there as well.

Disappointed at myself, I climbed on the roof with my friend to chill out. After a little while we decided to check what the kids were doing. To us the image was my 3 little siblings have manage to get the coal to catch fire. They have done what we couldn't. Then the sudden realization occurred. The new and young will always take our places and we have to move on to make room for them. Even if it means to move on from something you really love and have worked for your entire life. Or, your life itself.

This experience have left me feeling a profound connection with my species and made me appreciate the time I have in my life. It made me accept the cycle of death and rebirth. At the moment of my death, it might even give me the piece of mind so I could let go, as a happy man.

An Alternate Reality

Parallel universes, other dimentions, bubble universe, membranes whatever it might be called it points toward the idea of an altered state of consciousness if you may. Looking things in a different way. Experiencing an altered version of the fundamental laws. Its almost like experiencing another universe while existing in a completely different one.

Ever since we became self-aware, we in a word became free to think, experience and observe from a very special point of view which is very personal to each of us. The beauty is that no matter what, you can never feel the way I feel of vice-versa. Its beautiful because it gives us a sense of self appreciation and makes our existence that much more meaningful. Sharing that special experience, we have invented art of all form. Only through art we can express the most subtle emotions we feel. It might be a painting, film, music, sculpture or just a splatter of food on a clean wall. What we do, is an expression of our experience, our feelings. Most of us takes all these for granted, because its reality, its how things should happen. But once we step out the normal realm to observe ourself, that is when truth gets delivered to us.

The most important revelation a person can experience is to meet and experience himself. Since we share a common thread that binds us beyond the material world. That thread being our collective consciousness. To be more clear its the residue attraction between ourself that we achieved at the beginning of the birth of our universe. Since every action is capable to effect the outcome of the universe, thus its only logical to assume that the connection that once existed when all matter was one, still exists in our deepest psychological level, or even all around us that is invisible to us, cause we just take that for granted. In a very metaphorical expression, we share one soul, and each of us is a subjective observer of ourselves. In another word we are experiencing ourselves through everything in the universe. And that is the moment of ultimate revelation when we become aware of that connection. A realisation that we are all one, starting from a tiny bug to the largest of stars. That is the moment we truly discover ourselves. At that moment you are entitled to experience the ultimate wisdom. At that moment you experience god.

Dont be misled. When I say god, its not an external force that keeps everything in check. Rather its the collective consciousness of our universe. Its the forse that exists in everything starting from a tiny atom to the supermassive black-holes, and even us. If we look for it, this pure energy will reveal itself. It can never happen through close minded rituals. Rather one must open himself to the infinite possibility to let the massage through. The journey is different for each and all of us. But its the commitment to the journey that will set us free. I can never help you find your way, but I can tell you that there is something amazing waiting for you if you take on the journey. If we all manage to reach that place, we shall all be one, once more.

Duality of Personality

It often confuses me about which state I am in sometimes. I have my beliefs and ideas of right and wrong and I like to think they shape me. But sometimes I dont do what I believe. I know what is expected of me. I know how I should behave. Yet, I dont do that. Observing this behavior makes me a bit uncomfortable. But then again, maybe there aren't any right or wrong thing to do. There are just actions.

We waste so much time thinking of right and wrong that we miss out the whole point of it. We miss the opportunity to act. We miss the whole experience of action. I think we should do what feels right to us. Something that gives us happiness. And, if we act on our positive emotions, chances are things wont go wrong and we'll end up being a happier person.

Reality and Pain

I've asked a lot of people about their views of reality. I asked them to define reality and surprisingly most of them answered by saying "reality is pain and suffering". It intrigues me that in pain and suffering we find the meaning of our existence. None of people whom I asked this questione has mentioned that the meaning of reality or to experience it is to be happy.

So, does this means we are trapped in our pain that we cannot see the other side of things? That we can experience the reality in context of happiness? I think that is what the enlightened ones have realized. They achieved a way to gain true happiness and found out a way to sustain that. To me that is the meaning of nirvana. To return to the source is to find inner bliss.

Light and Darkness

Something strange is happening to me these days. Its like a fight going on inside of me. I like to think I'm rather a good person, but I can sense the darkness thats inside of me. I dont like it but I cant seem to be winning the fight either. Its a constant tug-of-war raging inside of me. I dont know why if something that I consciously dont like is in my psyche. How does one deals with it? Maybe if I try not to think about it then it might go away. After all there are no good or evil, there are just action. Some actions are beneficial for someone and vice-versa. Good or bad is defined by the people who faces the aftermath of the action.

Anyways life goes on. But I do feel like something around me is not going right. It might cause grief or pain to people who are close to me if I end up right. Worst thing is its not expected of one to talk about these things, so I wont.

As I command?

It was the summer of 2010. I left home to spend a year away from everything. Sort of soul searching in solitude. It was awesome. I figured out huge lot about my life and belief in that time. I felt a sense of calm and peace that I never felt before as if I was finally one with the universe.

So there I was at my penthouse apartment cooking lunch for myself. Suddenly the sky turned dark. A huge storm started to rage. There were heavy rain, hail and very strong wind. I'll be honest, I was a bit scared. So I stood behind a window, looking at the storm and commanded it to stop. Instantly after that I felt the worst shame ever. How can I command a force of nature? Who gave me that right? I felt sorry for myself. I learned to be more humble toward the nature from that day on.

Speak Up!

As we grow older, things tend to get more complicated. As kids we were very straightforward about our feeling and expressed them in a very direct fashion. If we liked something, we wouldn’t hesitate to appreciate it, if we hated something, we would just say it on their face. As we grown up it becomes really difficult to speak our mind. We continuously think about how the other person will take it or how our expression will effect our surrounding. Doing this a lot of things never really get expressed. Slow poisoning us to become bitter persons.
My point is you can never make everybody happy around you. But you can try to be happy yourself. At least that way you are less likely to make people around you feel bad. I think we should always try to express our feelings, no matter if they are negative or positive. Some might not like you, but others will respect you. In the end that is all that matters.